Convalescence
by Seerysly
Summary: It was almost instantaneous. A gasp, a sharp, painful gasp followed by a croaking cry. Relief started to fill his veins. He tried to suppress it; the worst wasn't over yet, he wouldn't let himself believe it to be over. For him, the war was just beginning. Shakarian, post Reaper War.
1. Chapter 1

**Author: **Seerysly

_Convalescence_

She couldn't open her eyes. Her brain tried to focus, but it felt like there wasn't enough room in her skull for thought. Her ears were filling with water. Was she swimming? Where was she? With a jolt, she realized she couldn't remember. Images flashed behind her eyelids, full of bright explosions and strange, but beautiful faces. A bird, a mermaid, a robot. _I must be an artist_ _to have all these beautiful thoughts,_ she thought numbly. The words hurt her head. Sounds, muffled and garbled, floated in the air around her. She realized the pressure on her chest. The water was overcoming her. Her chest felt like it was collapsing. Panic built in her throat. She tried to reach out, to pull herself through the water, to reach the surface, but to her dismay, her arms wouldn't obey. _Open your eyes_, she commanded. She couldn't. The edges of her thoughts were going fuzzy, a sort of darkness was filling her skull. She tried to breathe, but it was getting more and more difficult. Slowly, she felt herself slipping, falling, landing.

"EDI! No, no please, EDI!"

"Joker, come on, we need to go. There are survivors out there!" Liara cried, pulling Joker off of the robotic body that was once EDI.

"I can bring her back, let me try!" Joker yelled, struggling to free himself from Liara's surprisingly strong grip.

"You're going to break a bone, Joker. Please, we need to go. Shepard's still out there!" she pleaded. She seemed barely aware of Joker's effort's despite his desperate attempt to reach EDI's body.

"We're not looking for Shepard?" a gruff voice from behind them. Still holding on to Joker, Liara turned her head to the newcomer. Her brow furrowed at the sight of Garrus Vakarian, his ribs tightly bound in bandages over a tunic. A quick battle field fix-up. Liara gave a slight shake of her head. "Why not?" Garrus demanded. Joker had ceased struggling and had gone limp, his body hanging from Liara's grip.

"EDI, no," he whimpered. Understanding the situation, Garrus strode toward Joker and in one stride had lifted the pilot by the front of his shirt. Liara gasped.

"Garrus!" she cried.

"You get into that cockpit. You find Shepard," he growled, his face inches from Joker's. Joker's eyes remained on EDI. He seemed to have frozen. Garrus gave him a rough shake.

"_Garrus_," Liara reprimanded. Garrus ignored her.

"EDI is gone, Moreau," he said in a low voice. "But your Commander isn't. Your _friend_ isn't. But she will be if you snap out of it."

Still, Joker made no indication that he heard Garrus. His mind was gone, gone to a world of grief. Garrus stared at the pilot's face, his chest rising and falling heavily.

"Are you the best pilot in the galaxy or not?" Garrus said, louder this time. Finally, Joker blinked and flicked to Garrus'. A blank smile stretched across his face, not reaching his eyes.

"I am," he said robotically.

"Then get in that cockpit and find Shepard," the turian barked, dropping Joker to the floor. Quickly, Liara scrambled to help him up.

"Do this for EDI," she said softly as he regained his balance. "She'd want this."

"Yeah. Okay," Joker replied emotionlessly. He hobbled back to his seat and took a seat. He started fidgeting with the controls mechanically, not truly registering what he was doing. His mind was hundreds of thousands of miles away, on the other side of the universe. Liara turned to Garrus and opened her mouth to scold him for his treatment of the pilot, but immediately closed her mouth again. The turian was leaning against the wall, a hand caressing his ribs, his face set in a determined grimace. She stared, unsure of what to do, before turning and, reaching around Joker, brought up a communications channel.

"This is the SSV Normandy SR-2. Shepard is still ground side, condition unknown. Find Shepard," she said deliberately. Then, she switched the comm off. The _Normandy_ shuddered as it reentered Earth's atmosphere. Liara spun around and took a step towards Garrus.

"There are other survivors, Liara," he muttered, his eyes closing.

"But they didn't save the galaxy," she replied cooly, fully aware of the guilt that bubbled in her gut as she spoke. "Suit up, Garrus, we're going down there. We'll find her."

She hurried off. Garrus remained still for a moment, his mind reeling. Suppose Shepard really had…?

Even in his head, he couldn't finish the sentence. He pushed himself off the wall and followed Liara.

Garrus met the asari by the shuttle. The _Normandy _crew stood around them as they climbed in. No one said a word. The air was tense, worried. Garrus, unable to sit, stood in the center of the shuttle, staring blankly out at his old shipmates. Suddenly, Tali stepped forward. "I'm coming," she said. With the help of Liara's outstretched hand, she stepped onto the shuttle.

"Me too." James stepped forward and climbed onto the shuttle.

"She's my commander too. I'm coming." This time it was Kaidan, but as he stepped onto the shuttle, Liara stopped him.

"Someone needs to watch Joker and help the refugees," she said. Kaidan looked taken aback, but didn't argue. He swallowed hard and turned to look at the remaining crowd of soldiers and crew members, all scratched and bruised and bloody from the battle. The shuttle door closed and the engine started. With a sudden jolt, it left the ground and exited the _Normandy_. It was quiet inside, save for the rattling of metal on metal as the shuttle jolted through the windy air. Garrus clutched the bar across the ceiling. How many times had Shepard held onto this bar like he was now? How many missions had she stood right where he was now? He felt as if his heart were about to collapse in on itself. With a jolt, the shuttle touched ground. Numbly, but before anyone else had the chance to move, Garrus was at the shuttle door, about to push it open. A crackle overhead forewarned the voice that followed through the comm.

"We've got Commander Shepard. Ground team to _Normandy_, do you copy. We've got Shepard," a gruff voice sounded. Garrus could feel his airways constricting. _Don't get your hopes up_, he ordered himself. Hand still on the shuttle door, he remained frozen like the rest of the team. He listened hard, waiting, his heart pounded, for an update on Shepard's condition. There was silence, before Cortez replied to the call.

"_Normandy _to ground team. We're ground side and sending a team. What's her condition?" he asked softly. Garrus felt his heartbeat speed up.

"Not good, _Normandy_. We're trying to extract her from a pile of rubble now."

"Is she alive?" Garrus said suddenly. The team eyed him nervously. Liara stretched out a nervous hand to place on his shoulder in the worst case scenario, but she didn't touch him. Her fingers trembled as she reached for him. The comm remained silent. Suddenly, a muffled voice replied.

"Can't tell. She's buried. Get your team down here!"

That was all he needed. Garrus flung open the door and leapt lithely from the shuttle. He began to run, his feet slipping over the debris. "Garrus!" Tali called from behind him. "Garrus, we have the NavPoint!" she called. He ignored her. He didn't need the NavPoint, he just knew. He didn't know how, but he just knew where Shepard was. It was instinct that kept his feet moving, over this hill of rock, around that corner that was once a building. His breath was shallow, not so much from the exertion, but from fear, from hope, from the thought of the only woman he'd ever loved suffocating under a pile of rubble with him miles away. He lowered his head and kept moving.

He didn't know how long it took; he didn't even know where he was. But she was there. He could see her hand still and bent at a wrong angle, but still hers. She was surrounded by a team of turians, all pulling rocks and rubble off of her. He broke into a sprint and as he neared her, he could see her legs. One looked almost crushed, the other was propped up on her assault rifle. A massive chunk of a wall had pinned down her chest and he couldn't see her face. He refused to think of anything as he approached the ground team. They nodded to him as he knelt down by Shepard's side. The ground team removed the last of the debris from her; only the heavy wall fragment remained. Not pausing to say a word, he began pushing the rock off of her.

"Vakarian, be careful!" one of the turians exclaimed. Garrus ignored him. He had to get it off of her; she would suffocate if he didn't. The crunch of footsteps on the wreckage approached as the rest of the _Normandy_ crew appeared. Without hesitation, they rushed to Garrus' side. The turian team backed away as the four cremates rolled the rubble off of the commander. What lay beneath was not pretty. Her armor was bent and broken, her chest cavity sagging horribly underneath. Cuts tore up her face, blood trickled from a nostril, and a huge gash marred her forehead. Garrus was frozen, his eyes fixed on the broken body beside him. He felt someone knelt beside him, felt a soft hand on his shoulder, but it didn't register. James lowered himself onto the ground, his fingers pressing on the commander's neck. Garrus thought it was odd. He was the only one who Shepard ever let touch her neck, yet Vega was doing it now. He couldn't bring himself to move, though.

"No pulse," James muttered softly. The hand on his shoulder tightening and a sharp intake of breath marked his worst fears. The world fell around him. There was nothing, no sounds, no feelings, just a void. His heart fell, his windpipe closed. He was choking. Without really understanding what was going on, he leaned forward over the mangled body and pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes. There was a ragged sound, a pained horrible gasping. He wondered where it came from before realizing that it was coming from him. He didn't try to stop it.

"Please. Please, Shepard. Please come back," he heard himself plead. He knew it was useless. "Shepard, please. Jane, please. I love you."

It was almost instantaneous. A gasp, a sharp, painful gasp followed by a croaking cry. Garrus' eyes flew open and he sat back. "Shepard!" Liara exclaimed. The commander was staring at the sky, her eyes glazed over, her chest heaving, her breath coming in short bursts. Her unbroken hand groped at the ground around her. His fingers flew to her reaching hands. He placed his other hand gently on her forehead, pushing back the bloodied hair that clung to her face. Behind him, Tali was calling the shuttle for pickup, and Liara was fussing over Shepard's injuries, doing her best to stem blood flow and clean wounds. James was sitting back on his heels, staring disbelievingly at his commanders heaving body. Hope was flooding Garrus' system and he was becoming aware of his surroundings again. Shepard's breathing was so ragged, so pained. He leaned forward again, his hand still on her forehead, his face inches from hers.

"Relax," he muttered, "shh, it's okay. Relax, Shepard. You're okay, you're safe now."

Her breathing continued, but her eyes fluttered closed. Behind him, the shuttle landed. Liara was at his ear, telling him they had to get her to the med bay. He didn't really hear her, his brain was moving too fast, too full of hope to register what she was saying, but gently, so gently, he lifted Shepard's mauled body and, holding her close to his chest, carried her to the shuttle. Relief started to fill his veins. He tried to suppress it; the worst wasn't over yet, he wouldn't let himself believe it to be over. For him, the war was just beginning.

**A/N: **I was going to completely give up writing to focus on graphic arts, but I ended up playing Mass Effect and I, like many others, fell in love with Shakarian. I don't know how big the ME fandom really is on , but hopefully this will be read. I'm planning on several chapters.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author: **Seerysly

_Convalescence_

The Citadel was crumbling, like all the other Mass Relays in the galaxy. The _Normandy_ approached, its speed decreasing as it neared the docks. Inside, the crew was preparing for landing. The air was somber in the darkened ship. The tenseness was palpable.

"Citadel, this is SSV Normandy SR-2, do we have clearance to land?" Joker asked into the comm channel. He kept his face forward, staring ahead at the multiple screens in front of him. He was hurting, but he had to do this. He might not have been able to save EDI, but he _would_ save the commander. He had to.

"Normandy, you have permission to dock," a voice replied over the channel. The feed was garbled and short, much more so than Joker had ever heard it before, a testament to how much damage the space station had acquired. It was strange, of course. The Citadel had not been anywhere near the fight, yet had sustained as much damage as the other relays. But he would worry about that later. Carefully, and with all the skill of an experienced pilot, Joker maneuvered the ship through a debris field towards the docks.

One deck below, the crew was silent. Garrus sat at the mess hall table, his head in his hands. Tali had escaped to the engineering deck earlier, shortly followed by James who had slipped down to the lowest deck to submerse himself in his weaponry. Kaidan, too, had left upon seeing the wrecked body of his old commander. Only Liara remained at the table, her eyes locked onto the med bay door. Her hand rested resolutely on Garrus' shoulder, and had been so since the turian had collapsed into the chair, despite his best efforts to shake it off.

When they had arrived on the ship, Garrus had rushed to the med bay, the torn Shepard in his arms, and the crew hot on his heels. Dr. Chakwas had remained calm and in control the entire time, moving around the motionless body on her table, applying medi-gel and injecting medications, muttering to herself, her brow furrowed in concentration. Within minutes, Shepard's breathing had slowed, became less strained. Yet she hadn't regained consciousness.

"She needs a hospital, not the medical ward of a warship," Dr. Chakwas had said firmly. Kaidan had taken this as his chance to escape to the bridge to order Joker to head to the Citadel. After, the doctor had shooed everyone out, insisting that the last thing the commander needed was a wall of aliens pressed around her bed. Garrus had been the most reluctant to leave. Chakwas had almost let him stay until Liara had gently nudged him out the door, muttering about waiting right outside at the table. As the minutes ticked on, the remaining crew had filtered out, whether to take their mind off of things, avoid the tense atmosphere, or both, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that they reached the Citadel in time.

Garrus had prepared for Shepard's death. Hell, he hadn't even gotten his hopes up at her return to begin with. He'd talked big, been confident, but that was more for her than for him. Inside he knew she wouldn't make it back. But finding her alive, however barely, threw him. He had a chance to regain the woman he'd thought he would lose forever, and it was worse than accepting that she was dead. The idea of being so close to having her alive and well tore him to pieces with the reality that if she didn't reach a better medical facility soon, he'd lose her again. He couldn't bare to face that prospect again. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. Underneath him, the drive core began to shudder as the _Normandy_ pulled in to dock. He looked up. Beside him, Liara stood and took a few tentative steps toward the med bay. Dr. Chakwas was hurrying back and forth between her large cabinet and Shepard, whose feet were the only part of her body visible from where they sat.

"Get the commander off this ship stat, we have emergency transport waiting for her," Joker's voice crackled through the ship. Garrus stood as quickly as he could and crossed the ship to the med bay doors, Liara right behind him. Dr. Chakwas was preparing a stretcher. Gently, hesitantly, Garrus reached out a hand and placed it on Shepard's burned and bruised arm. The door opened behind him and Tali, James, and Kaidan entered.

"I need a strong person to move Jane here," Dr. Chakwas ordered, patting the stretcher. Silently, the crew looked at Garrus. Slowly, he moved one arm under Shepard's neck, the other under her knees. As softly as he could, he lifted her from the medical table. A small cry escaped her lips and her breathing quickened again. Daring not to move, Garrus waited as the doctor straightened Shepard's broken arm and checked her other injuries, then turned and placed her tenderly on the stretcher. Kaidan and James moved forward immediately to grab the handles of the cot.

"It has wheels, boys," Dr. Chakwas prompted, but Kaidan and James were already leaving.

"It'll be faster this way," James said over his shoulder as the doors closed behind him. Garrus fell back against the table that had held Shepard and covered his eyes once again. He could hear Dr. Chakwas rummaging around in her stores. Suddenly, he felt his visor lifted off of his face and a cool cloth started rubbing where it had sat. He looked up. Dr. Chakwas was washing the blood and dirt from his face. He didn't have the strength or willpower to push her away. If there was one thing he could do, however, was to thank the spirits that the doctor was fast and methodical. Within minutes, she was finished. She handed him her visor, but he didn't replace it. Instead he pushed himself off the table and began to walk towards the med bay doors.

"Garrus, she's going to be on an operating table. It would be best to wait here for news," Liara said softly. Garrus glanced back at her.

"I can't sit here and wait," he croaked. His throat was closing again, constricting his breath. Tali and Liara looked at each other. Then Tali stepped forward.

"Let me go with you, then," she said. Garrus shrugged and turned to the door. It slid open automatically and he strode to the elevator, Tali right behind him.

The walk to Huerta Memorial Hospital was silent. Most of the Citadel was darkened and empty. Even the hospital was empty when the doors slid open to admit them. The rumble of a generator met them as they hurried through the lounge area. Behind the wall-length windows of the labs, several doctors appeared to be preparing themselves for a procedure. Garrus tried not to think about what was happening to Shepard, and instead found Kaidan and James sitting in one of the lounge chairs overlooking the length of the space station. The farthest edges of its arms were torn from the rest of the body, but life was beginning to stir around the station. As he stood, looking out the windows, Garrus noticed several asari emerging from a storefront, looking panicked and flustered, but okay. He stepped toward the glass and collapsed into a chair next to Kaidan. Tali sat on his other side. The four were silent for a long while.

"How is she?" Tali asked tentatively. No one answered right away. Finally, Kaidan sighed.

"It looks bad. They're doing all they can for her, but they can't tell yet," he muttered. Garrus was shutting down again; his body felt numb, his thoughts few and far apart. All he could do was watch the procession of people emerging from different buildings to assess the damage done to the Citadel.

"She'll pull through," Tali said. Even through her suit, they could all tell she was holding back tears. "She's a master at doing the impossible. She has to pull through. She _has _to," she choked. Again there was silence.

As the minutes ticked on to hours, the hospital began to fill. At first, it was a few asari warriors, followed by a team of salarian soldiers. But soon, the hospital was full to bursting with not just asari and salarians, but krogans, turians, batarians, even several elcor. It seemed that everyone who had been fighting the Reapers had been making their way to the Citadel. Garrus thanked the spirits they had arrived before the crowds.

Still, the hours dragged on. Two hours, then three and four and five. The Citadel's night cycle had begun before any news arrived. They were sitting in the same spot, James' face in his hands, Kaidan with an arm over his eyes, Tali tugging at her fingers, and Garrus staring blankly at the expanse of the Citadel's arms. Suddenly, Kaidan stood and approached a flustered, exhausted looking doctor holding a datapad. Garrus stood, too, and strode to the doctor. He was human, with dark skin and eyes.

"The commander is stable, for now. She's in bad shape. _Bad_ shape. She can't have any visitors. We're just trying to keep her comfortable and relaxed. But we have to attend to the other patients as well. As long as her condition doesn't change, it's looking as if she'll pull through," he said briskly. Without another word, he turned and hurried away. The once quiet lounge had now exploded with sound, yet Garrus didn't hear any of it. The doctor's words kept ringing through his skull. _She'll pull through_. Shepard was going to be okay. For the first time in what felt like months, Garrus felt the tension in his muscles relax. He slipped back down into the chair he had occupied earlier. He couldn't yet smile, but he could relax slightly. The worst was over. Beside him, Kaidan was informing James and Tali of what the doctor had said. Tali let out a cry of happiness and James sat back, relaxed, with a grin across his face.

It wasn't until late in the Citadel's morning cycle that another update arrived. Tali and James, exhausted, had returned to the _Normandy _to catch some sleep. Liara replaced their presence, along with Glyph. The little ball of holographic light shifted restlessly from one side of the lounge to the other, demanding constant attention. Kaidan seemed to find it amusing.

"He's like a dog," he chuckled around a huge yawn. Confused, Liara turned to him.

"What is a dog?" she asked. Kaidan waved a hand at her.

"It's a type of animal we have back home. They make very loyal pets," he replied, yawning widely again.

"Kaidan, how long has it been since you slept?" Liara said. Kaidan shrugged.

"I'll survive. Got a couple of winks last night," he said. Liara scowled.

"You should get some sleep. It's not healthy for any species to be awake so long."

"It's all right, Liara. I'll head back in a bit."

Liara sighed and shook her head before beginning to pour over a datapad in her hand. Garrus' eyes felt heavy. He, unlike Kaidan, hadn't slept at all. How could he? He wouldn't be able to until he knew for a fact that his Shepard was safe.

"Mr. Alenko, a moment please?" someone called from behind them. The three turned to see the same doctor who'd updated them before. Before anyone else could move, Garrus was on his feet and standing before the doctor. The little man looked taken aback. "Um, I asked for Mr. Kaidan Alenko," he said, slightly confused.

"Garrus Vakarian of the _Normandy_," Garrus said impatiently. The doctor glanced to where Liara and Kaidan sat. At the same time, they stood and made their way over.

"Go on, doctor," Kaidan said. The doctor nodded and cleared his throat.

"The commander has remained in stable condition throughout the night. You can go back and see her, but no one is allowed in the room. Her wounds are still fresh, we don't want any infection to spread," he said.

"Thank you, doctor," Garrus said gruffly as the doctor walked away. He stared at the others. Liara nodded encouragingly. Garrus swallowed hard and turned towards the labs. He walked through the door, under the weapons scanners, and into the ward. Hundreds of people lined the hall, each laying on a cot with bandages and IVs. _Shepard would feel so guilty_, Garrus thought. It was true. At the sight of all this carnage, he knew Shepard would feel personally responsible. She was the most selfless, most giving person in the universe. _She'd probably sell the _Normandy_ in order to get medical supplies for these people_, he mused. He was nearing her room. The glass walls provided very little privacy, and he could see a lump on the bed. They approached the glass.

It wasn't a pretty sight. Three different tubes were fed into her mouth, pumping fluids in and out of her body. Another four tubes were attached to her arms through needles. Nodes were taped to her temples, chest, and neck, and monitors surrounded her like a barricade. Garrus placed an arm on the glass above his head and leaned in. What little relief he'd had was snuffed out. He had no idea her condition was so bad. He wanted to get in there, to hold her hand, to tell her she'd be okay. He needed to. He glanced at the door, but the panel glowed red. It was locked. Behind him, Liara and Kaidan fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Garrus?" Liara said softly. He grunted, unable to speak for fear of choking on his own throat. "Maybe you should get some sleep? She's not going anywhere."

He nodded numbly and allowed himself to be shunted away from the glass. No matter where they took him, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep.

**A/N:** Not overly happy with this chapter. It's sort of an intermediary chapter between the first and the next big plot point. Anyway, I probably won't change anything about it, so it's whatever for now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author: **Seerysly

_Convalescence_

The water was rising again. Shepard could feel it pressing in at all sides. All around her she could hear muffled movement. A high-pitched beeping cut through the rhythmic sound of the waves above her. It didn't quite feel like water anymore, though. She felt like she was immersed in some strange, thick liquid. But she could breathe, that was a pleasant change. Her body felt heavy; with a deleted jolt, she realized she _could_ feel her body. Slowly, her sense of awareness increasing, she tried to move. _I want to wiggle my toes_, she thought determinedly. A slippery substance moved over her feet. She was moving her toes. She tried her fingers next, clenching and unclenching them. Cautiously, ever so cautiously, she opened her eyes.

The light was disorienting, bright white and painfully sharp. She blinked quickly, trying to clear her senses. Where was she? She couldn't tell, all she could see was that bright light. That floating orb above her head, it seemed so familiar, so comforting. She stared up at it, lips parted, breathing slow. Suddenly, her stomach dropped. What if that was the light? The light that they always said would be there when you died? She didn't want to die. She was so peaceful, so comfortable, just lying there in the mud. She refused to go.

The corners of her vision were starting to focus, slowly but surely. Shepard realized that what she was staring at wasn't a heavenly light, but in fact just a light bulb. As her eyes adjusted to the brightness, she was able to see colors. She had never seen more beautiful colors, had never noticed how vibrant the color blue really was. She supposed that when you had come as close to dying as she had, the world takes on a new kind of sparkle…

She sat up suddenly, her heart pounding, her eyes widened in a panicked fear. The world was spinning so violently, she thought for a moment she would be sick. The beeping was growing in intensity, quickening, its pitch rising painfully, filling her brain with an agonizing buzz. She stared around her surroundings. It was a hospital room, the very same one that Kaidan had been in after Mars. Crisp, clean light filtered through the windows. Her legs were covered by a thin, white sheet. She reached down with her good arm, her hand shaking to try and tear them off. She had to get out of here, to warn the Council. They had to listen to her, the Reaper threat _was _real. To her right, the _swoosh_ of the door indicated a visitor.

"Commander!" the gruff voice exclaimed, startled. She blinked bewilderedly. This man, this small man would know what to do. He'd know how to get to the Council. He rushed to her and pushed his hands on her shoulders.

"Commander, please!" he said, forcing her back down. Shepard struggled, using her elbows to push herself up. "Commander, you're not well!" he cried. His voice seemed strangely distant.

"The Reapers! I know how to kill them! Please, I have to get to the Council!" she said loudly. The small man nudged her back down but she sat right back up and brushed his hands away. She started to fumble with the sheet again. The world was still a swirling mass of color. Her eyes were bearing into her skull. But she _had_ to get to the Council. She fought against the man's hands as he tried to pull the sheet back up over her legs.

"Commander, listen, you're badly injured. You need rest!" His voice was getting louder, less garbled to her ears. Her chest was contracting in frustration.

"I need to get to the Council! Do you understand me? I _need_ to see the Council!" she cried, her finger fumbling angrily at the sheets. But the man was pushing her back again.

"Please, Commander, you're going to pull out a stitch! Please relax!"

Shepard attempted again to sit up, but the small man was smaller than she thought. He pushed her roughly back. She gasped as a sharp pain shot through her body. It didn't faze her and she tried again, this time a low growl escaped her lips. Just as she forced his hands off her shoulders, the door slid open. She didn't look to see who entered, but continued struggling against the frustrating little man who was trying to keep her locked up. He didn't understand the urgency. The Council needed this information. The fate of the galaxy rested on it.

"Shepard!"

The voice was gruff, low, but comforting somehow. She stopped struggling and her eyes locked onto the intruder. A turian in a black tunic with scars running along half of his face.

"Garrus!" she exclaimed. Her fingers loosened on her sheets and she stopped struggling against the doctor, though she resolutely remained sitting. The doctor was distracted too and was about to open his mouth to speak, but in two long strides, Garrus had crossed the room and was at her bedside. They stared at each other, Shepard's face filling with relief as Garrus's filled with concern.

"Mr. Vakarian, please, she won't lay down and relax," the doctor said, almost pleading with Garrus. Slowly, the turian extended a hand and placed it gently on Shepard's cheek, careful to not scratch her. The doctor cleared his throat.

"I'll take care of it," Garrus said gruffly, not taking his eyes off Shepard.

"Mr. Vakarian I-" the doctor began, but Garrus glanced over his shoulder at him with grim reassurance.

"I'll take care of it," he repeated, this time emphasizing each word in turn. The doctor shook his head exasperatedly and waved his hand at Garrus dismissively before leaving the room, the door closing behind him. Shepard's heart rate was slowing back to a normal rate. Garrus would listen to her. He always had. He would help her. His thumb was moving in slow circles on her cheek. He leaned close to her. His musky scent reached her nose and she felt her tensed muscles relax almost instantly. She raised her eyes to meet his and found them glassy.

"Garrus, I need to see the Council," she began but Garrus shook his head almost imperceptibly. She pulled back from him impatiently. "It's about the Reapers," she said urgently. "I know how to kill them."

Garrus blinked and his mandibles twitched. He looked shocked. Was it really that much of a surprise? She had made it through the beam, after all. She knew how to destroy them, to kill them all. She huffed angrily and opened her mouth to speak again, but was cut off.

"Shepard… Jane… the Reapers are destroyed. You killed them," Garrus said gruffly. Shepard blinked, confused. No, no, no, that can't be right. It was all a dream, all in her head. She had been indoctrinated.

"No…" she said hesitantly. Again, Garrus placed a gentle hand on her cheek.

"Yes, Shepard. You saved the galaxy. It's over. I watched the Reapers fall from the _Normandy_," he repeated softly. She shook her head. She wouldn't believe it, couldn't. If what Garrus said was true then…

The face of David Anderson swam in front of her eyes, a blood oozing from the gunshot wound in his stomach. Her hands shook. She killed Anderson. It wasn't a dream. She murdered him in cold blood. Her face went white, even whiter than usual. Garrus's hand moved to her hair where his fingers brushed through the dark strands, trying to calm her. She stared at him, mouth open, horror struck.

"O-oh," was all she could manage, a soft, weak sound that escaped from the back of her throat. Carefully, one hand supporting the back of her head the other holding the small of her back, Garrus lowered her back down onto the pillow. Her vision started to blur, the room began swimming and her eyes started to burn. In the brief seconds that the turian had his back turned as he pulled a chair to her bedside, all Shepard could manage to do was stare at the ceiling. Her captain, her mentor. Dead because of her. Her breath caught in her throat. Within moments, that same, gentle hand was on her forehead. It was overwhelming, too much for her to handle. She made a choking sound deep in her chest and did something she couldn't remember doing before. She cried. Pained, gasping sobs wracked her broken frame. Her heart was constricting, closing.

Garrus's hand hovered over her face, wiping away tears. His face was close to hers, his cheek on her pillow, his breath warm against her cheek. He didn't say anything, he didn't even know why she was crying. But he stayed. He stayed until the sobs subsided and her breathing slowed again. Her eyes fluttered softly, fighting exhaustion. She turned to face him, her bloodshot eyes shining sadly.

"Please stay," she whispered. He pressed his forehead to hers.

"I would never leave."

When she opened her eyes again, all was dark. In the dark blue haze, she could see the vast shape of a head close to hers. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and rolled onto her back. Garrus remained asleep, his head resting on his arms on the edge of the bed. Right where she remembered falling asleep with him. Her head felt clearer, more alert. She looked to her left out the huge glass window at the Citadel. It was broken and battered, parts missing altogether, but yet it persisted. She could see the yellow of lights across the arms of the station where people were undoubtably preparing for reconstruction. Or perhaps they too had just awoken in the middle of the night cycle. The hum of the multiple backup generators was comforting and she found that despite feeling well-rested, it was lulling her into a trance.

She couldn't quite remember the details of when she first awoke. It was a sort of blur of medication mixed with panic. But her head was clear and besides the dull ache in her bones, she felt more comfortable and pain-free than she had in months. The Reapers were gone, this she knew for a fact. Briefly, she remembered her drug-induced panic over her indoctrination. Looking back, it seemed miles away. David Anderson was long gone. Her stomach gave a guilty jolt. _You didn't have a choice_, she thought firmly, staring out at the starry expanse beyond the space station. _You were being controlled. You fought. You survived. That would be enough for Anderson_. She kept repeating it in her head, over and over. It wasn't her fault. She did everything she could. She knew Anderson would have been proud. The thought comforted her slightly.

She chanced a glance to her companion and felt her heart swell. She reached out a hand and gently stroked the contour of his arm before intertwining her slim fingers between his large ones. He stirred slightly but didn't wake. She smiled. If Shepard truly knew anyone, it was Garrus. And she knew that despite his better judgement, this would be the first sleep he'd had since the final battle. She wondered how long ago that was. Hours, days, weeks, even? Behind her, the Citadel began to take on a pinkish tinge as the morning cycle began. Shepard considered waking Garrus but thought better of it. He wasn't going anywhere, no matter what anyone said. She smiled at the idea of even trying to get him to leave. CO or not, nothing she or anyone else said would make him return to the _Normandy_.

By this time, the artificial sun was filling the room with natural light. Beyond the door of her room she could hear the morning bustle beginning. She reclined deeper into her pillow, content and happy and closed her eyes. She was just about to drift off to sleep again when -

"Shepard!" a deep, booming voice barked from the doorway. She started, her eyes flying open. Garrus, too, jumped. His head came flying off the pillow and he turned quickly, immediately on his guard. Upon seeing Wrex in the doorway, however, he relaxed and covered his face with his free hand. The huge krogan shimmied into the room followed by almost everyone Shepard had ever invited on the _Normandy_. Miranda, Jacob, Tali, Liara, Samara, Grunt, Wrex, Kaidan, Dr. Chakwas, even Jack were shoving themselves into the tight space. Shepard grinned. Garrus withdrew his hand from hers and sat back in his chair, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "How ya feelin' Shep?" Wrex asked loudly.

"Better," she replied, lifting herself slowly into a sitting position. Almost immediately, a long hand was on her back, gently helping her keep her balance. Slightly embarrassed, she glanced back at the turian. His expression was bemused, relaxed, even happy.

"Good because we thought you could use some company," Dr. Chakwas said with a smile. The crew began to squeeze in around her bedside. Chatter swelled around her as the old teammates began recounted their adventures. Shepard leaned back onto her pillows again, though the arm remained. His deep, dual-toned voice rang out amongst the others, poking fun at each of them in turn. Soon, she found herself laughing along with the rest of them, despite the shooting pains it caused in her rib cage. Inwardly, she hoped that they would never have to leave. It was wonderful to have them all there, all laughing and smiling. They responded well to peace.

It was well after noon when the door slid open again and a nurse squeezed in. Too busy reminiscing, no one noticed her until she cleared her throat loudly. All eyes fell on her, and Shepard felt her face fall, though she seemed to be the only one. The chatter died down as the nurse sidled closer to Shepard's bedside with an IV.

"The commander needs rest!" the nurse announced. Her voice was commanding and final. Wrex let out a disappointed grunt and moved closer to take Shepard's unbroken hand in his. He shook it vigorously.

"Don't get lazy, Shepard," he rumbled in good humor before shuffling to the door between the crowd. One by one, her teammates followed Wrex's example. A handshake from Jacob and Grunt, a bow from Samara.

"Take care of yourself," Miranda muttered as she bent down to give Shepard a small hug.

"I will," she replied determinedly, giving the ex-Cerberus officer a reassuring smile.

"We'll return to the _Normandy_ for now, Commander," Kaidan said with a cheerful wave as he, Tali, and Liara slipped out the door. Finally, Jack approached the bedside.

"Shit, I'm not good with this stuff," she muttered, crossing her arms and staring out the window. "Just, get better, Shepard."

"Where are you going now, Jack?" Shepard asked, studying the young woman. Jack laughed, brushing dark strands from her face.

"Ha, as if I'd be able to get out of this hospital. The kids, the little bastards, took some casualties. Nothing serious. I'd kill 'em if they died. But I gotta hang around."

Shepard laughed and stretched out her hand toward Jack. The biotic took it and shook.

"Well, don't abandon me in here," Shepard said cheerfully. Jack smiled and with a nod to Garrus, she left. Only Dr. Chakwas remained.

"I expect you back on the _Normandy_ for some sleep, Garrus," she said sternly. Garrus saluted mockingly.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, dropping his arm, his tone light and teasing. She shook her head and stepped closer to Shepard. She reached out an arm and gave the commander a pat on the shoulder.

"I'll see you later, Shepard," she said, and she too left. From the side of the room, the nurse heaved a loud sigh and stepped forward, needle ready in her hand. Without speaking, she slid the IV into Shepard's arm. Almost immediately, Shepard felt her eyes droop. She reclined further against her pillow. A gentle finger traced circles on her cheek and she felt warm breath against her ear.

"I'll be here when you wake up, no matter what the doctor says," Garrus murmured, his voice a low rumble. A small smile played across Shepard's lips as she let herself begin to drift back to sleep. Sandpaper brushed tenderly against her cheek before she succumbed to exhaustion.

**A/N**: Here's a long one. There will probably be only one more chapter, with less fluff and a more Shepard-like Shepard. Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Author: **Seerysly

_Convalescence_

"You ready, Shepard?"

"I'm always ready."

"Even for this?"

"Yep."

"You're positive?"

"Damn it, Garrus, I wasn't nervous until you started questioning me," Shepard said through gritted teeth. The artificial sun blared bright overhead and she found herself sweating, despite the fact that she was sheltered by the overhangs on the Presidium. Garrus chuckled and reclined back on the bench they shared. Today was the first day since her release from the hospital that Shepard had been outside. She had been spending all her time on the _Normandy_, resting in her cabin. She knew she would have to leave the ship today in particular and had dreaded it. Awards ceremonies were hard to get out of, even outside of the military. She had planned to sleep through most of the day and only venture out of the ship right before she was needed, but Garrus, arriving early in her cabin, had managed to coax her out earlier.

They had walked to the damage zones where the keepers had already begun repairs. Along the way, Shepard had received more waves, handshakes, and requests for pictures than ever before, and within a half hour, she was already feeling fatigued. She wouldn't let Garrus see, of course. It had taken her a week of insisting that she could get into and out of the shower by herself before he had agreed to give her some independence. She wasn't about to allow a regression of the little progress she'd made in returning her life to the normalcy she was so used to. So she smiled and waved and took pictures and signed autographs and received thanks graciously, doing her best to ignore the sweat running down her spine, the ache in her newly healed bones, and the sharp stabs from her damaged knee.

Whether Garrus had noticed her internal misery, she couldn't tell, but before the crowd surrounding them grew too large, he had shunted her away towards the Presidium where they now sat, side by side, enjoying the warmth and fresh air.

"I'm only asking because you've never been exactly… eloquent in front of a camera," Garrus said with a contented stretched. Shepard glared at him from the corner of her eye.

"I've had plenty of interviews and I've never done anything stupid before!" she rebutted, crossing her arms over her chest. At this, Garrus let out a loud snort.

"Really? Because I distinctly recall you punching a certain reporter in the face when she annoyed you," he snickered. She rubbed her neck sheepishly.

"Jhilani was out of line," she said, but she couldn't keep the smirk off her face. Usually Shepard prided herself in her ability to keep her temper, but after being dead for two years and working on taking out an entire Collector base, she had snapped. When the reporter tried to frame her, she had given her a fist to the face. It hadn't gone over too well with the audience, but considering everything Shepard had _already_ done for the galaxy, she couldn't have possibly cared any less.

"I know, I know," the turian laughed. He draped an arm over his shoulders. "Just when she asks you questions this time, try not to do anything _too_ horrible."

It was Shepard's turn to snort.

"I'll be more worried about not falling flat on my face," she muttered. Again, Garrus laughed.

"Hell, Shepard, I know you can't dance but you're not a klutz," he said.

"It's my knee," she explained, gesturing with her hand. "Sometimes it gets all wobbly."

She felt pressure against her hair as Garrus kissed her.

"Well I'll make sure not to laugh too hard when you do fall," he teased, ruffling her hair. She slapped his hands away.

"Thank you, my oh-so-loving boyfriend," she grumbled. Garrus slid a finger under her chin and lifted her gaze. His eyes were gentle, kind.

"All joking aside, I've always got your six," he said. She chuckled and rolled her eyes. He lifted his arm from her shoulders and stood, tall and lean. Grabbing her hand, he helped her to her feet.

"Where are we going?" she asked curiously.

"_You're_ going to get ready. Here comes T'soni now," he nodded across the Presidium. Liara was crossing the platform quickly, dressed in a high-necked gown. Shepard groaned.

"Relax, Shepard," Liara said, stepping forward. "I'm a presenter, so I have to dress up. As do _you_," she said pointedly at Garrus. He raised his hands in surrender. Liara frowned at him and pointed a finger first at him, then in the direction of the docking bay. He gave a mock half-bow before leaving. Shepard crossed her arms and leaned back on her heels. Garrus gave her a wink over his shoulder which she returned with another eye roll. Liara turned to her. "Your turn," she said with a smile.

"I'm not wearing a dress. I did that once and I fell through a fish tank. It's bad luck," Shepard said. Liara grinned.

"Ah, yes. The fish tank. Such a shame, Shepard, I really liked that restaurant. But no, you don't even have the option of a dress. You get your uniform. I just have to make you presentable," she said.

"No makeup," Shepard demanded.

"You can bet there'll be makeup," Liara retorted.

"I'm not going," she replied.

"Shepard, you're talking to the Shadow Broker. The Shadow Broker who also happens to be a powerful biotic. We can do this the easy way or the hard way," she said, grabbing Shepard's arm and pulling her back towards the elevators. They entered the elevator and the doors shut behind them. They shot downwards, Shepard grumbling under her breath the whole time. Liara hummed softly, a gentle smile on her face. When the doors opened again, they exited and Liara steered her to the Normandy.

It was strangely quiet inside the ship. Almost none of the crew members were aboard. Shepard guessed that they were all outside, enjoying the artificial sunlight. She couldn't blame them; after all they had followed her into the bloodiest battle in the history of the galaxy. They deserved some shore leave. Inwardly, she was thankful. It was a rare occasion that she donned her Dress Blues, preferring to work in her service uniform, and even rarer that she would ever put on makeup. She knew that Liara was just threatening her, or so she hoped. Either way, she knew if she struggled enough, Liara would let it go.

They were in her cabin within minutes. As Liara busied herself by digging around for the uniform in the closet, Shepard unbuttoned her shirt and unrolled the sleeves. She pulled it off and threw it on the bed, letting the cool air dry the sheen of sweat off her body. She closed her eyes, basking in the freshness of the air conditioning until Liara threw her uniform shirt at her head. Shepard pulled the stiff material off her face and glared at her closest friend, but Liara wasn't looking. She was politely examining the fish tank, giving Shepard some privacy to change. Shepard hastily pulled the shirt over her head, slipped off her old cargo pants and pulled on the crisp, blue dress pants. Then, she cleared her throat.

Liara turned and smiled. She stepped toward Shepard and started straightening out the thick jacket.

"How are you feeling?" Liara asked, genuinely concerned. Shepard shrugged.

"I guess it could be worse. Can't wait for this thing to be over. Then I can sleep," she replied. Liara snorted, attaching the little gold bars signifying her rank to the jacket's shoulder pads.

"As if fourteen hours of sleep a day aren't enough," she said.

"Hey, you try destroying a thousand Reapers and waking up in a pile of rubble only to be talked back into consciousness by an IV," she retorted. Liara chuckled.

"Oh yes. Shepard, the master of miracles," she returned. Shepard crinkled her nose.

"You done?" she asked impatiently. Liara gave the hem of her jacket a final tug before stepping back to admire her handiwork.

"Just about," she said. She frowned, then turned to the bathroom. In less than a minute she returned with a hairbrush in her hand. She tossed it to Shepard who fumbled clumsily with it before dropping it. Liara laughed, almost involuntarily, though Shepard knew she hadn't really tried to suppress it. She ignored her and ran the brush through her short hair while the asari recovered. "I'm sorry," she breathed, not sounding at all sorry. "I've never seen you drop anything like that."

"It's the medication," Shepard muttered. It was partly true; she was still on pain medication that made her drowsy and, as a consequence, clumsy. She tossed the brush onto her bed where it landed on her sweaty shirt. She turned back to her friend. "Ready?" she asked.

"Ready," Liara said. Shepard swallowed down her groan as she and the asari left her cabin.

The chairs in the audience were filling up quickly, faster than Shepard could have anticipated. It felt like the entire galaxy was there already, even though only half the seats in the tower were occupied. She sat in a center chair upon the raised platform that was usually reserved for the Council. A makeshift bridge had connected the platform she sat on with the one that was used by anyone who had managed to gain an audience with the Council. Chairs had been set up all the way down to the elevator leading to the Presidium. Temporary screens hung along the walls where the image of the stage would be projected once the ceremony began.

The Citadel Tower was cool, but even so, Shepard found herself sweating. Lead an team on a suicide mission and get them all out alive? No problem. Face the biggest threat to galactic society that there ever was? Been there done that. But an awards ceremony? _That_ was what really scared her. It had been that way after the Skylian Blitz. Her hands had been shaking so hard that she had almost dropped her Star of Terra upon receiving it. She wondered if today would be the same.

Garrus occupied the chair to her left. One leg crossed over the other, one arm draped over the back of her chair, he was the picture of ease. He had a light expression on his face, his mandibles extended slightly in what she always assumed was a grin. _Of course he's relaxed_, she thought almost bitterly. _ He already accepted his awards. _

She fidgeted nervously, her eyes locked on her feet. _Don't look at them_, she pleaded with herself. _They're not really even there. They're just holograms_. But it was no use. She kept glancing up, and every time she did so, there were more people. She pulled at her fingers. Suddenly, three long fingers intertwined with hers. She looked up to see Garrus eyeing her carefully. She tried to smile.

"Relax, Shepard," he said. He tilted his head slightly, that same "grin" on his face. She felt herself returning the smile.

"I know. I just don't like speaking in front of large crowds," she said. He chuckled.

"Let us do all the talking," he replied, gesturing to all the crew members occupying the chairs around them. "You just stand there and graciously accept all our thanks," he teased. Shepard laughed, though rather stiffly. To her left, Tali was talking animatedly to Jack who looked extremely unhappy in her own set of Dress Blues, courtesy of Admiral Hackett. The Admiral in question stood at the podium several yards ahead, speaking to the Council. Shepard was grateful to him. When he had come to her with news about this awards ceremony, he had very generously agreed to her request to have her crew members present the awards and medals to her for her service. If it hadn't been for that, Shepard knew she would still be back in bed with exaggerated pains in her ribs or arm or knee.

The Council cleared the podium, taking their seats to the side of where Shepard sat surrounded by her closest friends. The Admiral turned and started towards her, his progress slow because of the limp he acquired in the Battle for Earth. Shepard's heart sped up. She leaned over to Garrus, keeping Admiral Hackett in the corner of her eye.

"Virmire," she whispered. Garrus looked confused.

"Come again?" he said, staring at her curiously.

"I want to retire on Virmire," she replied. Garrus still looked confused. "All that talk before the battle, about retiring to a tropical island, everything. I want that. I want to go to Virmire. It's where Ash died. It's where we learned how to destroy Sovereign. It's where it all really started. It's where it should all end. We belong there," she muttered quickly. Garrus blinked, clearly taken aback. Then he smiled, his mandibles twitching outwards. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Of course, anything," he said. Admiral Hackett was now standing in front of her, his hand outstretched. She took it and shook.

"Are you ready, Commander?" he asked.

"Not even remotely, Admiral. Let's get this started," she said. Hackett laughed and turned to the rest of her crew, asking each in turn if they were ready. Garrus leaned in, his breath hot on her ear.

"And that turian-human baby?" he whispered, half-jokingly. Shepard shook her head, a smile playing on her lips.

"Biology, Garrus," she chuckled. "I'm sure there are plenty orphans in this galaxy now."

"Krogan it is," he murmured. She could feel him open his mouth to say something else, but was cut off by the sound of Admiral Hackett's voice, amplified so that it reverberated around the tower room.

"People of the galaxy," he was saying. "Thank you for taking the time out of this hard time in your lives to attend this prestigious, and truly one of a kind ceremony."

Shepard leaned back in her chair, suppressing her urge to cross her arms. She knew she had to look professional. Still, she let herself slide ever so slightly in her chair, making herself comfortable for what would be a very long ceremony.

"Kill me."

"I'm fairly certain that about a million people have already tried and failed."

Shepard collapsed, facedown onto her bed, her face buried in her pillow. Garrus had taken the seat on the couch, a glass in one hand. In front of him, on the small coffee table, sat a small crate that was filled to the brim with silver and gold medals and trinkets. Every single ornament she had been presented with. At least ten from the Alliance, another five from the Turian Hierarchy, seven from the Asari Republics, eleven from the Admiralty Board, three from the Salarian Union, one from Grissom Academy, the list went on and on. While grateful and honored, Shepard had wanted to get back to the _Normandy_ as soon as the ceremony had started. The only thing that had made it all bareable were the beautiful words from her friends.

"Commander Shepard, my best friend. I would lay down my life for her, as she would for me," Liara had said before presenting the Medal of Athame to her.

"Shepard has saved not only my people, but all the people in the galaxy. There is no one I admire more, nor trust more. She is a friend, a mentor, a sister." Tali had managed to get herself choked up around her words.

"This galaxy was empty before Shepard. She's my everything and while what she was doing scared me to death, I always knew she'd come back. The galaxy is right behind you, Shepard. I'm right behind you." It was there that Shepard had had to blink away the tears as Garrus handed her the Nova Cluster with a kiss on the top of the head.

Jack of course, had not failed to entertain.

"This woman saved the kids at Grissom Academy. Hell, she saved me. It's no wonder she was able to save this galaxy." She shoved the plaque in Shepard's hands then. Then she'd smiled at the commander. "Thanks, shithead," she said. The crowd laughed, though Hackett frowned.

The Medal of Peace came next, given to her by Admiral Hackett, for bringing an end to the largest war in the history of the galaxy. The ceremony ended with a moment of silence for all the fallen soldiers before they dispersed.

They had returned to the _Normandy_ then, Shepard determined to get some sleep.

"Shepard?" Shepard could hear the rustle of fabric as the turian stood. She had probably been dozing off again, her face in the pillow. She rolled over onto her back and smiled at him.

"Did I miss something?" she asked, her words slightly slurred. Garrus chuckled and slid onto the bed next to her, his head resting on his hand. He traced circles on her exposed arm with his claw lazily.

"So about Virmire…" he began. Shepard raised her head onto her hand, mirroring his position.

"What were you going to say before the ceremony started?" she asked. He blinked then laughed.

"I was going to say that there is nothing that I'd want more," he replied simply. She smiled and inched towards him over the covers.

"It's settled, then," he said. He placed a hand on her waist and pulled her closer, holding her against his chest. She nestled closer. She looked up at him momentarily before placing a soft kiss on the soft leather of his lips. Before he could say or do anything, she nuzzled in against his neck, completely content. He held her there as the minutes ticked by, as her breathing slowed. He brushed at the strands on her head.

His heart felt full to bursting. Soon, so soon, this would be there reality. Laying in each other's arms through the late hours of morning. Waking up together. Without even having a solid, concrete plan, he couldn't help but counting down the days until they returned to Virmire.

The seconds ticking away in his mind, Garrus closed his eyes. Images of clear, blue water and vibrant greenery flashed behind his eyelids. Slowly, he slipped into sleep, his commander in his arms, safe at last.

**A/N:** Never been good at endings. Welp, whatever. That's it, though. I'll probably write some more Shakarian in the coming weeks though, that is if anyone would be interested. Thanks for reading!


End file.
